Part 1 – People
One any given day, it is not uncommon at all for me to get overwhelmed by something or the other. Sometimes, it’s a chore that needs doing. Sometimes, it’s something that suddenly pops up and seems to demand a response or a reaction – whether that’s someone inviting me to go out with them or an important decision I need to make for work.
I used to think this was something I needed to learn to just be okay with, because “that’s how the real world works”. How many times have I heard that before? For so long I have perceived the inability to just resolve this overwhelm within myself as me being “not enough” or “incomplete” – another harmful lie this hyper-individualistic system has told me and countless others.
As I worked on moving away from these systems, one of the first realizations that helped me immensely was that I can rely on people. Now, I know that seems obvious, but I’m talking about a fundamental level of reliance. The oppressive systems in place tell us we need to be able to do everything we need and want on our own, otherwise, we need to “grind” more to achieve that level of self-reliance.
People around you have different abilities than you. What you can’t do alone, they can help you with. I can’t remember to do laundry, so my friend puts the clothes in the wash before he leaves for work. But I notice it immediately after I wake up and eventually put the clothes out to dry. That might seem simple for some but has eliminated one of the sources of overwhelm for me throughout the day.
This is not just for chores. I have people around me who help me with different things that I find overwhelming – a person who helps me regulate my emotions by talking to me while I’m freaking out, a person who is good at helping me leave the house every once in a while, a person whom I reach out to when I don’t understand how Instagram businesses function, and people who have helped me with money in difficult situations.
What were once sources of shame and weakness have now become things I “outsource” a little, and in turn feel more connected to my community, deriving strength from them. And in asking for help, I have also invited situations where I am needed. People around me reach out to me when they need something I can do well, which can be incredibly fulfilling when I am able to help them.
And this is not some contractual fulfilment of “Ohh, I’ve repaid my debt” that I used to feel before sometimes. Rather, it is the deep reassurance and security of having a community and knowing that we are there for each other, to help in whatever way we can. I am privileged to have this community around me.
So, this is just a reminder and an affirmation that it’s okay to reach out, it’s okay to take help.
We are not “complete” on our own, and that’s okay. We are interconnecting pieces that make a whole through community, mutual aid, and a shared experience of life.
Posted to Instagram on April 17, 2023
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